Separation Anxiety?

(Mom & me in St. Louis this May)

As I prepare to leave for Australia in just a few weeks, the reality of being separated from family (Mom in particular, since we've been roommates for so long now) has only just begun to set in. It's easy to expect to be separated from friends or family that you see once or twice a year (or less), but it's something else entirely to realize that the one person who has been the constant and stable person your WHOLE life (with a mom, this is actually literal!) will no longer be a daily part of your life...


But Mom and I came to the understanding, a long time ago, that we would be parted for pretty much the rest of our lives. When God called me to missions, we knew it would be this way. When God called Mom to missions, we realized, all the more, that it would be this way.

People have asked why Mom and I aren't going together. Others have asked how I can stand leaving my whole family--my whole life--behind to go to a country that I have spent so little time in. Others have indicated that they think I'm awfully icy to leave my family and friends, saying that I love another country, and HAVE to go...

And these comments hurt. They make me miss Mom all the more. They make me feel like something's wrong with my relationship with Mom--that I could leave her...

BUT then I think of the missionaries going to the other parts of the world 75+ years ago. Many of them packed all of their belongings into coffins, expecting never to return (and to only live a few years while on the mission field). Hudson Taylor left for China, and said good-bye to his mother, both of them fully never expecting to see each other again. He was willing to make that sacrifice for the sake of the Gospel--and so was his mother.

AND I rejoice--because though Mom and I (and my brothers, their wives and kids) will be far away from each other, I have the wonderful technology of Skype, facebook, email, cellphones, MagicJack and others to still keep in touch with them--even video calls. And I can fly to the USA (or Mom can) to see family again every so often.

So--though I may have separation anxiety a bit, knowing that Mom will be recovering from major surgery while I'm not around, and that she'll be in Argentina when I return to the USA this September, I can rejoice in the privilege that God has given me: that I may sacrifice my own desires and hopes to serve Him as a missionary on a foreign field.

This week's challenge: Has God called you to sacrifice something in order to obey Him? Has God directed you to do something that others see as ludicrous, unhealthy or unreasonable? If so, are you doing it? If you're not--why not? Isn't HE worth making any sacrifice He's called you to?

(Verse of the week: Luke 14:26-27 "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple...")

Walks With Jesus

"When through the woods
and forest glades I wander,
and hear the birds
sing sweetly in the trees...
Then sings my soul,
my Savior, God, to thee,
how great thou art!"
(How Great Thou Art, Carl Gustav Boberg--translated by Stuart K. Hine)

As I have been walking more late, rather than running, I have been able to pause and enjoy the beauty around me. I've seen dozens of varieties of wildflowers, heard dozens of varieties of birds singing, made friends with horses, seen armadillo, rabbits, squirrels, frogs, snakes, bald eagles and a host of other critters as I have enjoyed my walks.

And while these walks are memorable and lovely, the walks I most remember (and wish I could recapture), are the ones that I took with Jesus back when I lived in Chicago. I took a walk with Jesus at least once per week while there, and often more than that, but the ones that I most remember are those after my friend committed suicide.

For weeks, I walked around the city, ranting at God, telling Him how much I hated everything about He worked sometimes, and lot more that it was pretty darn brave of me to say to the God of the Universe.

But as I look back at those six weeks of my life, I easily realize that that was the period when I was closest to and most in love with God. When I wasn't out screaming at Him, I was in a classroom, eating dinner, talking with my R.A. as we jogged, or I was on my face before God, crying out to Him, "I need you. I want you! I need you. I want you!" Literally, every waking moment was filled with either daily life activity or conversations with God. Really honest conversations with God.

I miss those walks with Jesus, even if I don't miss the pain that provoked them. So, I've begun having my walks with Jesus again. And it has beautiful. Sure, I get distracted, but thankfully God is patient!

This week's challenge: Take a Walk with Jesus. Skip the music, the sermons, the books on mp3, etc., and just strike out for some time alone with Jesus. Talk to Him about the things you are excited about, discouraged about, hurting over, rejoicing over...TALK to Him about it all. Or sing it to Him (that's what I do). Or spend the whole time identifying things to praise Him for, or...well, just make it about HIM and you--a special intimate time with Jesus. I know some of you have chronic illnesses that make it impossible to WALK with Him, but there are other ways of having some special moments with Him. Maybe take a drive through the countryside. Or go sit in a park somewhere.

Something Tough for a Stubborn Chick

I'm pretty sure that if you asked my Mom to describe me, one of the first words she would use would be "stubborn." She might be nice and say "determined," but, yeah...stubborn is what she means. I apparently get this trait from both of my grandmothers--once I make up my mind, REALLY make that choice, the decision is made and I WILL do whatever it is. Sometimes this is a good thing. Sometimes...not so much.

Recently, however, I had to make a change. It was shown to me that something I have refused to do is probably part of why I haven't raised as much support as was hoped: being overly connected on-line. It may sound silly, but I despise the way my generation and, even more, the younger generations have become obsessed with technology-based relationships. I admit that I've had some friends from chat rooms for years (let me see...I met Regi, Corbie & Daren back when I was sixteen and am still in touch with them), but that's not the same as spending every waking hour texting, tweeting, blogging, facebooking, emailing, etc. BUT that's what my generation does, SO, that's what I'm going to be doing more of. Yay...so exciting...yeah...really, it is...yeah...

SO, expect some more on-line stuff from me. Soon, I'll have some videos up on youtube (some clips from shows, some stage-craft tips, etc.). I'll be more faithful with this blog, as well as facebook, email and other updates. So...stay-tuned, or whatever the current-day equivalent of that would be... ;)

This week's challenge: What are some things you may need to change in your own life? They may seem petty, like my transition into my own generation's communication world, or they may be much bigger (and I've got some of those, too!). Ask God: what am I ignoring that is hurting me? And then LISTEN, and make the changes! Easier said than done, absolutely, but still necessary.